As an experienced Relational DEI consultant who specializes in cultivating healthy relationships in the workplace and healthy organizations, I care very much about giving people experiences and tools that bring about change. In a recent episode of the Living Out Loud Discussion Series, I found myself reflecting on the significance of having difficult conversations as a major pathway to the changes many people are wanting to see. Shout out to my colleague, Kendrick Dial, for unpacking that with me. There were too many things that filled my spirit after our discussion- most notably how navigating difficult conversations about power, privilege, and oppression is essential for building and maintaining healthy workplace relationships. And, how intricately connected this is to Living Unapologetically’s approach of Relational DEI.

Creating Safe Spaces for Conversations

The Collective Responsibility

Building a safe space for these conversations is not solely the job of one individual; it's a collective responsibility that involves everyone in the workplace. Just like a well-tuned orchestra needs all its players to create a harmonious melody, our workplace also requires a collaborative effort to facilitate meaningful discussions.

In our professional settings, having clear boundaries and established procedures in place to support these dialogues is vital. Leadership plays a pivotal role in setting the right tone and atmosphere, so it's crucial for them to step up and lead by example. When leadership encourages open dialogue, it not only fosters mutual understanding but also promotes a healthier, more inclusive work culture. I've seen firsthand how organizations that prioritize these conversations thrive, fostering an environment where everyone feels valued and heard.

Setting an Example in Leadership

I feel like I say this several times a day- in fact, I know I say this several times a day: normalizing courageous conversations will not be sustainable without leadership participation. Participation and modeling for the organization. This also brings to mind my own experience of struggling through fear and avoidance as a biracial woman who’s known and lives the experiences of a white person and a black person… and the nuances in between. I KNOW the importance of leaders engaging in self-awareness and personal development, because I KNOW how much unaddressed parts of us impact our interactions with people. When leaders take the initiative to understand their own biases and privileges, they set a powerful example for the entire organization to follow.

Front-loading conversations and creating a safe environment for individuals to share their views is essential. By setting clear expectations and realistic goals, holding space becomes less daunting and more attainable. I have witnessed positive transformations in organizations where leaders actively participated in these conversations and encouraged others to do the same. It’s a beautiful thing to see and a powerful change agent.

Imagine a workplace where leaders openly share their own experiences of personal growth, both professionally and in matters of DEI. This approach creates a ripple effect throughout the organization, as employees feel empowered to express their authentic selves, leading to stronger and more genuine workplace relationships.

Navigating Terminology and What We Don’t Know

The Art of Expression

The phrasing and terminology used during these conversations is a major sticking point for people. There is something about saying words out loud that halt people in their tracks. We've all experienced that words have immense power—they can either hinder or propel the dialogue. As a DEI consultant, I've often seen individuals struggling to express themselves while being mindful of others' perceptions. It's a delicate balance, but it's necessary to ensure that the conversation stays constructive and respectful.

When I work with organizations, I often stress the importance of acknowledging personal experiences while being aware of AND responsive to how others might experience our words. Sometimes, these discussions can get overwhelming, and that's why practicing is key. And I mean practicing saying the words out loud if that’s where you’re at in your journey. No shame! Just try! If you need to, seeking external assistance to build your skills can be immensely helpful. I recommend something experiential and practice-based. Otherwise, you’ll leave another DEI training or workshop with information to put in your brain that doesn’t move into action. Having an experienced guide can make the journey smoother and more productive.

The Journey of Self-Awareness

During my conversation with Kendrick, he shared a personal experience that really resonated with me. He pointed out how conflict can arise simply because of misunderstood terms and diverse viewpoints. To foster meaningful conversations, we need to constantly question our own actions and emotions. It's not about being perfect, but rather about being open to learning and growing.

I remember a situation where I unintentionally made a comment that hurt a colleague. Of course I didn’t like hearing that! The last thing I was trying to do was hurt somebody, but it wasn’t about me in that moment. So, I did what I had to do to self-regulate to make sure I didn’t get defensive. I needed to be present in the moment because my working relationships are important to me. THEN, I needed to take time to reflect on why I said what I said. It turned out that my upbringing and experiences shaped my perspective, and I misinterpreted the situation. I got a chance to circle back to my colleague to repair the injury between us and know to pay attention to that part of me more closely. 

Discomfort and Resistance in Naming Dynamics

Benefit of Guided Experiences

Conversations about power and privilege can be uncomfortable for many, and that's completely understandable. A great way to build your capacity is to engage in experiential learning opportunities. I’m talking about immersive experiences, using real-life scenarios, that have you practicing in the moment. Guided experiences can help you get more comfortable with the the discomfort of these discussions. When I work with organizations, I often design workshops and activities that allow participants to explore these topics in a supportive environment.

The key is to challenge preconceived notions about ourselves and other people and be open to different perspectives. When we actively listen to others' experiences and try to understand their point of view, we start forming connections and growing as individuals. I've seen walls come down and genuine connections emerge when people get out of their comfort zones to embrace new ideas.

Fostering Connection and Understanding

Kendrick highlighted the importance of understanding one's personal power and privilege. This involves acknowledging that we all operate within systems that perpetuate inequality and inequity. And by operating within it, we pick up on the practices and norms. The journey of addressing these power dynamics can be challenging, but it's essential to create a more inclusive workplace. Knowing how your power and privilege changes context to context, and ways you challenge or reinforce societal norms can be a powerful tool in your toolbox, if you use it responsibly.  

I once worked with a company that had a diverse team with power dynamics were seriously impacting the health of the team. I had some tough conversations with members of leadership- some receptive, others were slow to warm up to the idea. After hearing behavior-specific feedback from staff (and some I witnessed myself), I invited leaders into a space of curiosity about themselves. By empowering them to recognize and question these imbalances, they were able to work together more effectively and collaboratively. Understanding one's own power and privilege can be a transformative experience that leads to greater empathy and compassion for others.

Challenges in Having Conversations on Power, Privilege, and Oppression

Overcoming Historical Discrimination and Fear

Having these conversations in the workplace is not always easy. Historical discrimination and fear of retaliation can deter people from engaging in open dialogue. However, avoiding these discussions only reinforces the status quo and is a major disrupter of progress.

As professionals, we must acknowledge that these conversations are nuanced, and people can’t be neatly placed into distinct categories. Who wants that? Each person brings their unique experiences rooted in their backgrounds, cultures, and identities. Understanding this complexity and being open to learning from one another is key to navigating these discussions effectively. We don’t have to live other people’s lives to understand the meaning of their lives.

Heightened Self-Awareness and Understanding

I frequently talk about how I was raised when I train and coach people, because most people  don’t know I grew up with some messed up beliefs about many groups of people. I share my story as a way to model vulnerability and transparency. I share because I want people to understand that I truly get what the process of learning, unlearning, and relearning feels like. I get it viscerally. I came to terms with my white privilege, which could inadvertently cause harm to others. I had some catalyst moments where I had to admit to myself that I 100% DID cause harm to people, including myself. It’s not always a fun process to go through, but this self-awareness helps me be more mindful of my actions and continuously question whether they’re influenced by privilege or oppression, or both.

I find that heightened self-awareness is a powerful tool in these conversations. When we're aware of our own biases and privileges, we can engage in constructive dialogue and make meaningful changes in our workplaces. Let's not shy away from self-reflection and embracing discomfort—it's through these actions that we grow personally and professionally.

Open dialogue allows us to gain a deeper understanding of the complexities surrounding power, privilege, and oppression. These conversations shed light on societal issues and emphasize the importance of creating inclusive environments. By acknowledging and valuing individual experiences, we pave the way for a more equitable and empathetic workplace.

Organizations must be willing to face discomfort and engage in these conversations, even when it feels challenging and scary. “Going through it to get to it” (K Dial) can foster understanding, empathy, and growth. Let's encourage open dialogue, acknowledge discomfort, and embrace self-awareness. Together, we can contribute to a workplace where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued—an environment that nurtures growth, understanding, and positive change. Here's to building healthier, safer workplaces.

How are you experiencing these conversations in your workplace? What works and what doesn’t?

Contact us if you are ready to engage in experiential learning that challenge your comfort zone and allow for personal growth in navigating conversations about power, privilege, and oppression. 

Charmaine is a Relational DEI expert who sits at the intersection of thinking, feeling, and doing. She is an author, facilitator, skill builder, safe-space holder, family member, partner, and friend. And in all of those, her DEI lens is in constant use. Charmaine uses a social justice lens to help clients explore their individual and organizational needs amidst the backdrop of power, privilege, and oppression. You can access her book (Bias-Conscious Leadership), guided meditations, free tips sheets & guides, and blog posts on her website, www.livingunapologetically.com.